Lately I've been getting hung up in the process and details of life and wanting everyone to understand me. I just think I know something so strongly and everyone else needs to know it too. For example... parenting. I am a firm believer in positive reinforcement and praise. Give your kids love and attention and they will behave better. It has been proven by many psychologists and most educational settings use it. My husband is a firm believer in... you earn your right for me to be kind to you. Your a little pain in the *#@ to me then I'm going to give it back to you and I will win cause I'm the adult here. I'm sure you can pretty easily see the conflicts that come up in our house already just from these two parenting mindsets. We have parented long enough together now that we both work hard to do the other's style, just enough to keep the peace. I'm a little stricter when he is around and he tries to be a less annoyed with the bad behaviors when I'm around. It kinda works, but I'm ready to try a new approach on this parenting together thing.
For a change, why not forget the kids? I want to really love my husband, even if he is an ass sometimes. He is the one that will be there when they go away someday. He is my life partner and my friend and provides stimulating conversations, and supports me in so many ways. He is right about one thing: I'm really controlling and when he treats the kids poorly, as I see through my filter, I judge and get upset, and it often ruins our time together. The kids get over it quickly. Sometimes they cry, sometimes they stop the behavior they were doing, and sometimes they just move on quickly and the whole thing is over. And there I am all bothered about something I wasn't even apart of. WHY? After all the counseling, the books I've read, and the talks, you'd think we'd have it figured it out. The problem is that, deep down, we both can't help where we come from. Our upbringing and what we experienced is like DNA: We can't seem to change it.
So.... that brings me to Impermanence. No permanent walls, rigid avoidance strategies, or unbreakable judgement habits can hide the fact that the rawness of life is going to keep running through us. It may feel devastating at times but it can feel reassuring because if you allow yourself to let life's infinite flow into your awareness. As they say: "This to will pass." It can be soothing when you tell yourself that even the deepest pain or deepest judgement hat even the deepest pain or deepest judgements (my husband in particular) will pass; everything does. Try it on today and see where it gets you!!
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